I'm not lying! HONEST!

Bold - Customer (on phone)
Italics - Employee

Hi, I need a replacement car
What's the problem with the car miss?

The car-code (lock mechanism) won't let me start the car.
OK miss, I'll send a mechanic to you, and he should be there in about 2 hours. Where are you located?

I'm at a hotel in [southern most part of country, ~3 hours from nearest city] .
No, wait! I don't want a mechanic, I want a new car.

I can't send you a new car miss, because our mechanics know how to deal with this issue. The only justification for a new car would be if the mechanic fails to fix the problem or if the car's been through an accident and is not fit for driving.

Yes! THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT! We've been in an accident!
(in the background): "no no! don't say accident! say there wasn't any accident!"

[...]

Fuel [1]

Bold - Employee
Italics - Customer (On Phone)

Car Rental company, Anon speaking.
Yes Hello, I need you to replace my car.

Okay sir, (identifying customer) - What seems to be the problem?
I was driving up a steep hill and the car suddenly shut down.

Did the car give any warning, perhaps a light on the dashboard?
Yes, the NO FUEL light was on.

And was there petrol in the car?
No, it was almost empty, but I figured I could go about 30 more kilometers.

[*facepalm*] Sir, what probably happened is there was very little petrol left, and the angle the car is in stops the petrol from getting to the engine. What you need to do is either fill up or tow the car to a level location and then fill it up. Either way, you should fill up as soon as possible.
I want you to send a tow truck.

Since there is no fault in the car, this costs about $100 to be billed from your account.
I WILL NOT PAY! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! THIS IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO PAY FOR THE TOW TRUCK.

If you don't want us to send a tow truck, you should probably hire one yourself then, or make a trip to the petrol station.
I will do no such thing! I pay a lot of money for this car, and I am not responsible for this!

(customer actually has cheapest car available for rent)
Okay sir, then what do you suggest we do?
I want you to tow the car at your expense.

I'm not going to do that.
(rest of the call is just negotiating a solution. Nothing of interest. In the end, he agreed seeing as it's his fault... Obviously...)

Friday Night Phone Calls [3]

Bold - me
Italics - Customer (on phone)

Car Rental Company, Anon speaking
Hi, I need a car.

Okay miss, I can put in a reservation. When do you plan on picking the car up?
I... I'm sorry. What?! (sounds offended...)

When were you planning on picking the car up?

[silence]

*click*

Friday Night Phone Calls [2]

Bold - Employee
Italics - Customer (on phone)

Car Rental Co, Anon speaking
Hi, do you rent cars?

Yes, we do sir.
Can I rent one?

Yes, you can sir.
Okay, I'd like to rent a car.

Okay sir - you will have to come to one of our branches - where do you live?
Oh, you don't deliver the car to me?

No sir - you will have to come to one of our branches and sign a contract.
This is an outrage! I shall report this to the local newspaper.

Uh... Okay sir
*click*

Friday Night Phone Calls [1]

Bold - Me
Italics - Caller (on phone)
10:30pm

Car Rental Company - Anon speaking

Uh, Who is this?

This is Anon.

Ah, I see. Hello Anon.

Hello sir.

I'm calling to inquire about a car.

Yes sir. How can I help you?

I had a car, but it's in the garage.

Okay sir.

When will it be out?

I don't know sir. Have you checked with your garage?

No.

(wtf) Better check in with them first then sir.

Oh. Allright. Bye.